So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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