Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
