I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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