Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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