we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
