is your mom at the bar?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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