Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
