wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
