I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
