Betty ford says i'm here all night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
