i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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