I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
