i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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