Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, beer. Big fan.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
