First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Are we still banned from the library?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
