I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
