Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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