It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
