M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
