Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
