this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
