May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
