So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
