Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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