chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
high people should be assigned attendants
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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