you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
