I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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