I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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