..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
