And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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