and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
