Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
