just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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