I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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