i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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