I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
