If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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