Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
