Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
