We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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