Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
