just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
