if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
