he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
