don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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