I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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