Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
