I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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