he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
