I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
