I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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