I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
