And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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