It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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